


i want to see you (and know i've made it home.)

by orphan_account



Category: The Maze Runner Series - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, M/M, Paradise, Post-The Death Cure, Well - Freeform, kind of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-16
Updated: 2015-08-16
Packaged: 2018-04-15 00:22:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,002
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4585896
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"I really miss you." Breathe in.<br/>"Remember when I said that we don't belong in the glade? Well, I don't belong here either. Everyday, I wake up without you next to me, and everyday, it feels like someone's stabbed me in the chest. I know you would want me to move on, but god, do I miss you. Newt, you were more than my best friend. You'll always have that." Breathe out.</p>
            </blockquote>





	i want to see you (and know i've made it home.)

"If you've ever been my friend, Kill me."

"Please, Tommy, Please."

_**BANG** _

―

Thomas shoots up from his bed. He hasn't dreamed of anything else for a while. He should be used to this, but he still wakes up, throat sore from screaming and eyes red and puffy. Minho lives in the hut next to his, but he barely even comes in anymore at night to check up on him because he knows Thomas is just having another bad night. Thomas appreciates it. He usually just wants to be left alone on nights like this.

To anyone, this might seem like a nightmare. To Thomas, it's a dream. Even if he always ends up pulling the trigger, even if a part of him dies with Newt, it's a dream because he gets to see Newt's eyes look up at him, human and as real as he'll ever remember them. Somedays, he'll feel Newt's presence, a particular gust of wind that runs shivers down his spine like Newt used to, a ray of sun that once more makes him feel the warmth that Newt did or even just someone lightly tapping his shoulder at the cliffside when he's thinking too much. He'll always love Newt, he thinks. It's something more than a belief to him.

The sun is coming up, so Thomas gets up from his bed and goes to get ready for the rest of the afternoon. These days, they don't make him do much at all. He doesn't have a job like every one else in Paradise, (if you could even call it that) because they know about how much he's been through and how much he's done for them. Minho runs the place now and he makes sure everything gets done properly, but even with all his responsibilities, he finds time to be Thomas' best friend. Sometimes Minho will tell Thomas a joke and Thomas'll laugh like he hasn't been through hell and back. Sometimes Minho will scream from his hut and Thomas will come running.

Thomas does all the work assigned to him for that day and he heads towards Frypan's kitchen to eat an early dinner. He's the only one here apart from Frypan right now and he thinks that's good. When Frypan sees him, he gives Thomas a knowing look.

"You're here early."

"I am."

"I'll get you something to eat."

"Thank you."

As Fry hands him some fresh food, he pauses to look up at Thomas.

"Take care of yourself okay?"

"Okay."

It's nice to know he has people looking out for him. It's kind of sad to know that Newt would've been one of them. He makes his way over to a table and eats quietly. Once he's done he hands Fry back the plate and thanks him again for both the food and the reminder. He knows exactly where he's going next.

The field favourite place here. It's pretty secluded being surrounded by large trees and other growth. He thinks it reminds him of the glade. He plucks some flowers up from the ground and moves to lay them down on the unmarked grave he's quietly proclaimed as Newt's. Thomas sits down right next to it and flutters his eyelids shut. When he speaks, it comes out as barely a whisper.

"I really miss you." Breathe in.

"Remember when I said that we don't belong in the glade? Well, I don't belong here either. Everyday, I wake up without you next to me, and everyday, it feels like someone's stabbed me in the chest. I know you would want me to move on, but god, do I miss you. Newt, you were more than my best friend. You'll always have that." Breathe out.

"How stupid is it of me that I never realised that home was anywhere I was with you. When we came back to the Berg and you weren't there, I felt like the world was crumbling beneath my feet. Now that's all I feel. How could I ever believe that I was meant to search for something when I'd never felt as alive and whole as I did with you. Newt, you are my home." Breathe in.

Thomas decides that this is enough for one day because Newt probably doesn't hear half the stuff he says anyway. 

"I love you." Breathe out.

He feels himself grow tired as he lays on the ground.  It's when the sun is coming down that it happens. He sees Newt. He sees a flash of golden hair and a warm smile and the eyes he'd never thought he'd see this happy again. 

His eyes widen and he shoots up from his position. He doesn't believe this is happening.

The figure comes a little bit closer. Close enough for Thomas to hear Newt say "I miss you too you bloody idiot, but I'm willing to wait for you, okay?"

Thomas doesn't notice he's crying until the tears fall to his fingers and he's in awe but he does his best to mouth "Okay." back. Judging from the slight tug at Newt's smile he's got the message. He doesn't know what to do now. He's frozen.

Newt starts to turn back and leave and Thomas feels himself surge with energy as he calls out for Newt to wait up. He looks back at Thomas as his figure begins to fade with the biggest smile  Thomas has ever seen. He mouths "I love you." and Thomas freezes because he knows he won't get to see Newt again for a long time. He blinks and Newt is gone.

Something more than sadness fills him then. Something more like a feeling of being hollow.

Thomas sleeps in the field that night. He doesn't think he'll dream of killing Newt again. He thinks it'll be better now. Filled with all the moments with Newt that made Thomas' breath hitch in his throat. The sound of the grass bristling nods him off to sleep. Paradise is as peaceful as it ever will be.

**Author's Note:**

> hello there it's me again and i know i've been gone since forever but hey, here's some angst :-) i'm trying my best to finish my other fic but i've kind of been in a slump if you guys haven't noticed lmao (sucky writing 101 with mountainlaurels phase something is back) 
> 
> please kudo/comment if you liked it or had your heart torn in half thank u x


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